Do You Have A Problem With Anger?
Anger is a completely normal, healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems in our personal relationships, at work, and in the overall quality of our life. It can make us feel as though we're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful force. An instinctive way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threat; it inspires powerful feelings and behaviors, which allow us to defend ourselves when we are attacked.
On the other hand, we can't physically or verbally lash out at people or objects that irritate or upset us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far we can go with our anger. The goal of anger management is to reduce both our emotional feelings and the physical tension that anger causes. We can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that anger us, nor can we change them, but we can learn to control our own reactions.
Here are some tips for anger management:
1. Take some deep breaths – It will help your body relax a little and your mind to think more clearly.
2. Get out of the situation. - Walk away. If possible, (with someone close), let them know that you’ll be back, you just have to calm down. When anger is high, the rational brain doesn’t work well, if at all.
3. Talk yourself down – Get back in control by saying to yourself what you would say to your best friend if you wanted to help them calm down. For example: “Chill.” “Walk away. It’s not worth it.” “ (S)he’s just trying to make me mad. I won’t give her/him the satisfaction.”
Think about what will work for you before you’re in an anger-provoking situation. Then, keep repeating the phrase to yourself.
4. Visualize – If you respond with anger when someone is trying to make you angry, they are pulling your strings. They are the puppet master and you are the puppet. Visualize yourself cutting the strings. See yourself taking charge of yourself, standing up tall, and walking away.
5. Take deep breaths. With each breath, visualize a cool blue or relaxing green color filling first your lungs, then your body, with calm.
6. Be assertive – “Doormats” can only take being walked on for so long before they explode. Stand up for your rights AND respect the dignity of others. Don’t be aggressive. Aggression is standing up for your rights but walking over someone else, with intimidation, insults, or threats. Come to the Manor Counseling Department for more tips on how to be assertive.
7. Think it through – What will be the consequences of expressing your anger? Ask yourself, "Is it worth it"?
NEVER make any physical contact with another person when you are angry!
8. Understand yourself – Stop and figure out WHY a person or situation made you angry. How’s your self-esteem? People with strong self-esteem don’t feel threatened by the comments of others. How’s your stress level? Stress can make us more likely to get angry – exercise can help reduce the build up of stress in your body. So can meditation and prayer. Are you depressed? Some people react to depression with irritability, feeling annoyed and becoming angry with everyone. Are you drinking? Alcohol lowers the ability to inhibit anger. The majority of violent crimes are associated with alcohol consumption. Are you frustrated? Poor problem-solving skills and difficulty talking honestly about feelings can lead to a build up of internal tension which can erupt as anger.
9. Take care of yourself – Exercise. Create balance in your life between study, work, socializing, and just hanging out. Listen to music. Get help for your problems. Don’t use recreational drugs, they just create more problems. When used to calm down distressing feelings, alcohol and other drugs can become addictive. Get enough sleep. Get good nutrition. Cut down on caffeine and junk food. Try to look for the positive in situations. Laugh.
If you feel angry most of the time, or if you find yourself lashing out at others, stop in or make an appointment with the Manor Counseling Center. Counseling helps.